Think this first date advice as going on a “play date”
First dates are full of anxiety and apprehension. They are also full of excitement and anticipation. But where did these roller coaster emotions come from? It’s not like we are committing to marry the person, and we are not even obligated to see the person in the future, so again, why all the anxiety?
Adults suffer from what I call relationship thinking. That is where they focus on future relationships, instead of having fun and enjoying moment.
Adults try to analyze the other person to decide if there is a potential fit for a long-term commitment. Would this person fit in with our family? Are they honest and someone I could trust? I wonder what their plans are for the future? My first date advice: is to stop the nonsense and simply enjoy yourself.
As kids we met new playmates all the time and it was no big deal. We walked into a room and began playing together. We didn’t need to know where our playmates came from, or how many toys they had in their room. We never asked what they wanted to be when they grew up, or how they got along with their family. We simply played together for a while and then went home. We didn’t let everything hang on that first encounter. We let relationships develop in their own good time.
Kids don’t looking for perfection, they don’t need to establish a relationship, and they don’t wonder where the friendship might be headed. Kids don’t worry if the person is right for them or what they look like or how much money they make. They don’t sit around talking, worrying and criticizing. The magic of that four-year old is that they haven’t learned to judge people yet. They get this first date advice totally. Kid will play with you regardless of size, beauty, or financial status.
Imagine if we as grown-ups could simply enjoy the moment with no judgement or projections about the future? It doesn’t matter if it’s a first date or if you are joining a group of people for the first time, try to arrive with no expectations, fears, or plans for the future. Think of it as a play date and simply show up and see what happens.
One of the wonderful things about childhood is that it’s nothing personal. So what if someone’s desire is to sit around and watch television all day. Or maybe they attend a different church than you do. But none of that should matter because if you enjoy someone’s company, or they are fun to “play” with, that is all that matters. When it’s time to go, you should simply say thank you for the fun. Focus on the now and stop trying to turn a playful time into a life-long commitment. Adults need to stop thinking, and just go out and have a good time. Think of it as a play date! And that is my first date advice no strings attached.
This advice can from the material in Susan Sherbert’s motivational book Grown-ups Don’t Skip Have FUN Be Happy Enjoy Life available on Amazon in paper back and digital